sibling relationship

my sister and me are totally two different person.  though she is the only sister i have, we seemed not to get along in anyway, anythings we do since small.  she is so fashionable, up to date, easygoing  and may be a little bit prettier. and me the vice versa one: like any other mak cik yang agak outdated specially psl fashion n make-up,  not-so-easy-going person, and agak kolot psl couple or boyfriends and so forth...the differences makes us far and she/me is not the person that we trusted each other to tell about the secret or the girls talk that supposed to be at the teenager time.  ours are full of gaduh, gaduh n gaduh....selalunya mak lah jadi orang tengah yang mententeramkan keadaan.

dada n ari

and now, it seems to replay when i see ari and dada.  they play together at first, bergelak ketawa, bergurau senda berdua sebelum akhirnya menepuk sana, menepuk sini, pukul sana, pukul sini, then bergaduh dan akhirnya menangis.
Dada mungkin boleh bersabar pada awalnya, mengalah dan membiarkan si adik berbuat sesuka hati. tapi sampai masanya tahap kesabaran tak dapat ditahan, dia pun bertindak mempertahan diri dan akhirnya meletuslah perang dunia ketiga.
mungkin faktor usia yang berbeza (4thn) make their thinking and ability level differs, and the younger could not cope with the older.  
Kadang-kadang bila tengok diorang bergaduh, saya rasa kelakar. tapi most of the time, i feel so stress and tension aarrgghh!!! hari-hari bergaduh and menangis, sampai kat parking lot kat bawah tuh bole dengar tau(rmh kami tingkt 4).  Selalunya saya akan buat bodo jek atau marah dua-dua kalau tak tahan, tapi suamilah yang selalu meleraikan mereka dgn cara yang berdiplomasi sekali.

dulu masa saya pregnant, dada selalu tanya bila adik nak keluar.  dan bila adik dah keluar dialah orang yang paling gembira, dialog yang paling saya ingat sampai sekarang "mak tok, adik dah keluar da!" ,masa first time call nenek bagitau dia dah dapat adik.

children always were told by parents to love each other and not fight.  the reality of course, is that feelings of love/hate, cooperation/competition and protectiveness/rejection are part of the normal interaction between siblings. but it is helpful to understand the sibling rivalry is not all negative and to learn how to handle it.

Young children always feel that the parent's love belong to them alone, and if you have to share it with more people, you'll get less. kids often compete for parent's time and attention when they fight.  in my case, ari sangat2 la lokek untuk berkongsi mama dengan kakaknya.  setiap kali saya peluk or pangku dada, dia akan datang dengan muka cemburu and menolak-nolak kakaknya.

and dada pulak cakap" mama selalu peluk adik, cium adik, tak peluk kakak pon"
and i know there is time when dada know her position and limits, each time when we sleep i will facing and hug ari to breastfeed her, while kakak only get my back side, still hugging me tightly though..

it is not all bad, there is a positive side to sibling rivalry.  through their adversarial roles, children learn a great deal about handling human relationships-how to stand up for their own rights, how to compete without acting hostile and aggressive, how to resolve conflicts through negotiation and compromise, and how to lose gracefully.Siblings also learn valuable lessons about reliance in human relationships.

Here are some other ways to help young children:
1. encourage siblings to put their feelings into words, she/he can relive the feeling and become cool after expressing them
2. talk about the advantages of being the older child and how much she/he can do such as playing games, riding a bicycle and go outing with friends and so forth
3. ask the older child first before give anything like toys to the younger child. they may mean more to the children than you might think.
4.keep in mind that it takes time for a young child to grasp the meaning of having a sibling.

tips for handling older sibling
1.as they get older, try to stay out of squabbles.  encourage them to come up with their own solution
2.if you do intervene, do calmly and neutrally without assuming that one child is the bully and the other is the victim. it is futile to try to get to the bottom of every fight, but watch for patterns of fighting so you can avoid them in the future.
3.set some basic rules and stick with them. " you make me angry" is ok but "you are stupid" is not.
4.fair may not mean the same, and each child has different needs. treat each child as being unique rather than equal.

when i saw them playing happily together, i feel like i was a very happy and proud mother.  and i know that there is sometimes when thing get wrong or may be you're not agree of something, fighting is the best way of communication you might think, to resolve the problem at that time, in such way.  bak kata pepatah, air dicincang tak akan putus and we can also learn "feel terribly angry at people and then feel loving towards them again with no loss of intimacy"  

saat-saat gembira dada n ari

p/s:biarlah bergaduh, kang masing-masing dh beso senyap sunyi rumah.
kalau lah saya boleh kembali ke masa silam dan perbetulkan kesilapan lalu...